Transparency

It must be the way I wrinkle my brow. Or the way I tighten my lips. But I have figured out that people judge how to act around me even before I open my mouth. Not strangers of course. But those that are around me often. I must just be able to give off a vibe that warns people about my mood.

Is it because I am female? Is it because I am moody? I have no clue. I just know that it happens.

Especially at work. I can tell that the men in the office look at me and decide how to proceed. Sometimes it's a good thing, especially when I want to be left alone. Sometimes it sucks because they misinterpret my mood and act weird.

And then there is the crying. Good Lord why did you make me a crier? The woman who likes to be stoic and hardcore. Until she starts to cry when she hears a song, especially songs at church. Or I start to think about life in general and tears well up. And for some reason, the tears bring on red circles that glow around my eyes. Even if it's just one tear, my whole upper face turns beet red. And anyone around me all the sudden goes into "OH CRAP LORI IS CRYING" mode. And most of the time it is absolutely nothing wrong or that anyone should care about. But it happens. Sometimes it's embarrassing and alot of times it brings on undo attention.

So I will ask why? Why am I so transparent? I would say I got it from my dad. The man who cries at every wedding and can not talk in front of people without getting choked up. Yep, I bet that's where I got it from. And as much as I hate when it happens, I guess part of me is thankful that I have a little bit of my dad that gleams from my soul. Love that man.