How could you do it?

I had a thought today when I was cutting the grass. I was riding around on our super cool John Deere lawn tractor and something popped into my head.
I thought I would share my thought with my blog audience.

How could you possibly live life without Jesus?
And there is nothing deep about this question.
Because I don't have a deep bone in my body.
I just want to know how a person could get through every day life without the love and grace that Jesus provides.
And how could you live without knowing that every thing will be ok because God will take care of you?

Mainly I ask these questions because I don't understand why things are happening like they are to people around me and why somehow everyone involved has amazing peace about it all.

Myself included. i have amazing peace. I KNOW that I will be taken care of. I KNOW that Evan will be ok. I KNOW that our 8 year old friend Audrey will be healthy. Because God is with us.

It's that easy people. God is with us. And although we do not understand some of the crappy things that happen in the lives we live here on Earth, I am thankful we can all rejoice in knowing that ultimately we will be taken care of.

And I am so very inspired by our friend Randy, who in the wake of finding out his sweet daughter has cancer, was able to send a text that read "God is Good". Yes, he is Randy. And I pray to Him that Audrey will live a long life where she too can proclaim that Jesus is all we need.

Stick a fork in me- I'm done

I have 2 points of focus in my life right now.
They were both brought on by the fact that Evan had cancer.
My life is forever changed because of it.
And it's a good thing. (That's the only good thing about cancer by the way)
But I should let you know, the old Lori Bryant doesn't have time for what used to bog her down.
Because I'll be a little busy trying to be a better person.
I've done a pretty rotten job for 31 years but I am ready now.
Ready to focus on 2 things
1. My relationship with God and
2. My family
If I can't get those 2 right then what would I really have?

So here's what I want you to expect from me going forward. Hold me accountable.
-I am going to be happier in general.
-I am going to praise and thank God like never before.
-I am going to spend crazy amounts of time with my husband and kids. This one I am good at, but I want to make the times together really count.
-I am not going to let others bring me down. I'm only interested in having happy conversations.
-I am going to do more for others. Because I know that is my gift from God. I am going to do things that hurt and things I don't want to do. Because it is worth it.
-I am not going to let my dislike of work make life miserable. In fact, I hope to see work go away by the end of the year.
-I am going to make better financial decisions.
-And I am going to open my eyes to the world around me and live with passion.

So there you have it. I'm done being my old disgruntled, complaining self.
I have nothing to complain about.
I have life, love and my God.
And hopefully I can use this blog to keep a record of how I'm doing.

Oops- I forgot

I forgot to do an update after Evan's last appointment at Emory.
Sorry about that!
So here goes-
They are not able to tell him he is cancer free YET.
Simply because he has to have some blood work done 6 months after his radiation in order to get a true cancer-free diagnosis.
That will happen in late July, as he had his radiation treatment back on February 26th.
It's hard to believe it's been that long!
And the test he will have then involves a series of shots that will help give a true picture of his thyroid-less health.
The blood work he has had recently can be skewed because of medicine he takes.
But with the work-up in July, we will know how things are looking without the medicine effects.
Basically, we'll know if the cancer markers are still present or not.
So you have ALOT of time to pray for the crap to be gone.
And we still need those prayers, as we are looking for COMPLETE HEALING!
As for now, we will sit back and relax a little.
We are looking forward to a great summer with our kids.
Thanks for keeping up with us!

One more appointment?

Tuesday at 10:45 Evan goes to the surgeon for a follow up.
It was supposed to be an appointment to go over his pathology reports.
But since there are no pathology reports (because there was no biopsy), We are not sure what he will have to say.
Our hope is that he will say, "Have a nice life!", "You're free, done, no cancer!"
So if you get a free moment around 10:45 on Tuesday, say a prayer that this is over.
This is all over. That life as we knew it will be back again.

6 Months- The Story

November 13th, 2009 I sent Evan to the doctor. Not because he wanted to go, but because I threatened to sleep on the couch if he didn't. Because of the cough.
The cough that keep us up at night. The one that was loud and deep and shook the whole bed.
And being selfish, I was done with hearing the cough all night. I wanted to sleep.
So he went to the doctor.
As a walk-in appointment.
And he found out our doctor was out of the country doing mission work.
And the 2nd doctor in our practice was in a different country doing missions work.
And because of poor planning on the office's part- there was only one doctor to see every patient that came in that week.
And he was the "Rock Star" doctor. The one that opened the practice. The one that doesn't take new patients. But he didn't really have a choice at this point, he had a new patient- Evan.
And they talked about the cough.
But the doctor knew better. He had taken one look at Evan and seen the lump.
The cough didn't seem important now. the focus changed to the lump protruding from Evan's neck.
The one that everyone should have seen. But no one did. Except this doctor.
Because he had made a mistake once and missed a diagnosis on someone with a neck goiter during his residency. And his attending made him feel so badly about it, that now he looks at every patients neck for lumps.
And he had found one. Because God put him in the right place at the right time.
Because Evan needed that doctor. And God provided.

So the tests began. Blood work was fine so off to an ultrasound.
I knew something was wrong the moment the ultrasound tech put her wand on Evan's neck.
I could look at the screen and look at her face and know that things were off.
But she couldn't speak- she wasn't allowed to.
And we left.
And the doctor called on the night before Thanksgiving, late after office hours. And the mass was the size of a baseball.
It didn't matter what it was, it had to come out. Because that was what was causing the cough.
Evan had a large mass sitting on his windpipe.
And so there were more tests, a CT Scan, and surgery was scheduled for January 19th.
The surgery went well. Although painful for Evan, he could not have done better with dealing with the situation.
He was a great patient. A trooper.
And the pathology was inconclusive and was sent away. For 2 and a half weeks.
We waited knowing that the surgeon said it did not appear to be cancer.
And he called at 8:30 one night.
A night I don't even remember.
Because that is when cancer decided to give us it's name.
Hurthle cell Carcinoma.
Thyroid Cancer with a twist.
A twist that would involve 7 doctors total.
Endless appointments.
Countless tears and pain.
Anger and frustration.
And now, hopefully an end.
We think it is the end.
That this cancer is really gone.
It has died a horrible death at the hands of Iodine 131.
But more importantly, every pray said for Evan was heard. And it is gone.

So at the 6 month mark of this journey, I rejoice.
Because through this all, Evan has remained healthy.
There are moments when I know that the effects of not having a thyroid bring him down.
But I can't help but be thankful for his overall health. His good health.
His spirit. His love.

You serious Clark?

My very favorite movie in the world is Christmas Vacation.

I think it is the single funniest movie to ever come out and I think I could watch it over and over again for days on end and never stop laughing.

And my very favorite quote in Christmas Vacation is when Clark turns to Eddie and says, "Eddie, I couldn't be more surprised than if I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet."

And just like Clark, that's how I felt at 1:35 yesterday. I got a big surprise. As I sat in the waiting room at Emory University Hospital.

I looked up from my book to see an ultrasound technician headed toward me saying, "Miz Bryant, we're done with him." And so I followed her half way down the hallway when she turned to me and said, "We didn't even cut him or nuthin'!" To which I gave her a strange look. And she proceeded to say, "I'll let Mr.Bryant tell you all about it."

And he did. And I'm still surprised.

Because he told me there was nothing for the doctor's to look at. The cancer that was supposed to be biopsied yesterday is not there. There's nothing there according to ultrasound.

There is a good chance that the cancer is gone.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??

Because that is the best news I have heard in 6 months!

But I hesitate to be excited.

Because there was no official paperwork. No fancy well-educated doctor that came out and wished us well. No balloons and streamer. Just an ok to go home.

But I am really very excited. We are both excited.

We just are in a state of shock and somewhat overwhelmed with disbelief.

It might be over. At least the hard part.

And it will be a life long series of check-ups and scans for Evan.

But good grief- it's over for now (we hope).

So I leave you with this- Thank you for your prayers. For your time and energy. For your love. But I ask that you continue to talk to God about complete healing for Evan. As this stuff needs to NEVER come back. And six months of cancer and treatment can really take a toll on you. So please don't forget him in your prayers. And make sure to say a special thanks to God for all He has done for our family.

And I hope that pretty soon you will not be able to come back here for cancer updates. We're moving on without cancer. Praise God.

Update #9,450,761- We have an appointment

Evan finally got the call. We go to Emory on Monday for his lymph node biopsy at 10:00.
The appointment is scheduled for 4 hours so that should be interesting.
Keep us in your prayers that day as we are hoping that the pathology reports come back free of cancer. We probably won't have results back until a week after (and knowing from previous experience- it will be longer).
So pray, pray, pray. And I'm hoping soon that we can get off of your prayer lists. Because I am ready for no more cancer.
Thanks!

I've tried not to talk about it

I've been trying to stay away form the subject of cancer.
But it seems as though ALOT of people come here for their updates about Evan, so I am going to give a brief update so that no one calls me bad names for letting them down.
So here goes-
We are waiting. That's it. We were supposed to hear from Emory on Monday about scheduling Evan's ultrasound guided needle biopsy and we haven't. Evan called to check on Wednesday and basically it sounded like either someone has not done their job or there is some kind of backup.
But I have "encouraged" him to call the surgeon's nurse to get her to PUSH the scheduling people.
So hopefully we'll have a schedule early next week.
But frankly I think we have enjoyed having a week where cancer was not staring us in the face during every conversation. It's felt kinda normal.
So don't stop praying by any means. We still need your cancer-free biopsy prayers!

A much anticipated update

I apologize that it took me 18 hours to get this update posted.
We have been quietly celebrating! Just me and Evan.
My in-laws were nice enough to take our kids last night and we have been spending that time together- taking in the news we learned yesterday.
And hoping that it is all true.
Here's the scoop:
We went to Emory for a 3:30 appointment. We finally saw the surgeon at 5:05. A little frustrating, but so worth it in the end.
The surgeon seems to think that the cancer is in fact on it's way out. He agrees that the blood work numbers are good. And that the most recent scan Evan had is showing improvement.
And instead of the MRI or CT scan that we were anticipating, Evan will be having a Fine Needle Biopsy instead at Emory. The surgeon wants to stop guessing about what is showing up on scans and wants to actually see what it is (makes sense right?). And whatever the biopsy says will determine surgery or not.
So Monday we are hoping for a call from the appointment folks to get the ultrasound scheduled. Pray that the appointment will be sooner than later please.
And it will be about a week after the biopsy before an official report will be ready.
And at that point, we are hoping that the lymph nodes that are glowing are somehow just playing tricks on us. We are praying they contain no cancer.
So you have much to pray for on our behalf this next few weeks. But I also ask that you praise God with us as things are starting to look like Evan is on the road to restored health.
Thank you God!
For the first time in several weeks, we are smiling.
Thank you for your prayers. We have the best friends ever.

It's Prayer Time Folks!

Today (Friday) at 3:30. We will be back at Emory meeting with Evan's new surgeon.
Please pray this guy is ready to help us get this cancer done with.
And pray we have all the right questions to ask and he has all the right answers.
Thanks!!

Catiously Optimistic

In a surprising turn of events, Evan's bloodwork is starting to show signs of improvement. And by improvement I mean that the numbers indicate that his cancer might be reacting to his previous treatments and is reducing or going away. What? really? How could that be?
It's God folks. He hears our prayers. He hears your prayers. And He is treating this cancer himself. And I put all of my faith in believing that He is ready to heal Evan.
But it is not without fear.
Fear that these numbers are somehow off. Because we have heard from multiple doctors that there are many factors that can cause the numbers to be off. Were they all tested at the same lab? Was the same method of testing used each time? Was Evan's body producing an anti-body that causes the test to not be valid?
We are praying that the numbers are in fact correct. We are praying that God is giving us a clear reading. That He is ready to close this chapter of our lives.
So I ask that you continue to pray with us. Pray specifically at 3:30 on Friday (23th). As that is when we go back to Emory to meet with the surgeon. The surgeon that has been picked to perform the lymph node surgery that we hope will not have to happen. We are going in knowing that there is a good possibility surgery will happen. But maybe these new numbers and an upcoming MRI or CAT scan will make surgery unnecessary.
Wouldn't that be awesome?
To witness first hand that God does heal. God is bigger than cancer.

Most recent update

The tumor board has met. It sounds like they agree with Evan's oncologist about how to proceed. We should hear from the surgeon either today or Monday about an appointment with them. There will be a few more tests and depending on what those show, it's looking like surgery. There is a slight chance that things could change as tests could come back negative for cancerous growth (you can pray for that please). But as of right now, please redirect your prayers from the tumor board to an Emory surgeon who we haven't met yet.
Thanks for following along and for your continued prayers. Every prayer has been felt.

Caution: Person does not include filter!

I keep running into the wrong people.

I guess I should blame it on myself for being so popular (ha) but for some reason I feel as though I am wearing a sign that says "Tell me everything that comes to your mind". And as proven yesterday, Evan apparently has the same sign. I'll tell my story first.

I had an encounter with a person who managed to tell me that they had heard that couples who experience cancer together are twice as likely to get a divorce. And you thought I needed to know that why?? Are you thinking that by telling me that I will either throw my hands in the air and file for divorce or all of the sudden start working harder than I already am to make sure my marriage works? Frankly I don't give a (fill in the blank) about what history shows. I have never been one to be a statistic and I don't plan on starting now. And if anything I can tell you that I think all aspects of my relationship with Evan have grown stronger because of his cancer. So please take your comment and stick it where it belongs. And I apologize if I upset anyone with my above ranting, it's simply how I feel.

I also had someone yesterday ask me how it felt to be the wife of a man with cancer. This question is not inappropriate really, it just took me off guard. And this is really not a question to be answered immediately as there endless feelings that I go through. But just in case that person happens to be reading this- which I doubt, here is my real answer:

It sucks. Not like anything else has ever sucked before.

It consumes my thoughts.

It makes my fears reality.

It causes anguish, pain and frustration that I have never known before.

It makes me mean.

It makes me weak.

I wish I was the one with cancer. It would be so much easier for me to deal with me being sick than with the one I love.

It is the hardest thing emotionally that I have ever dealt with.

I am mad.

So there you go. A short but well thought out answer.

And then there is what happened to Evan yesterday that I wish would not have happened.

Someone called him and they meant well. They wanted to be supportive. They wanted to let him know that he is not alone. But they had to tell their story. And it's not what he needed to hear.

Evan's attitude changed yesterday. Someone pointed out reality and they will never know the impact they had. By sharing a story of their wife's reoccurring thyroid cancer and now other cancers, they somehow managed to take a man with a strong face and make him doubt. And for the first time in a while, he didn't feel like talking. Which I understand. But he knows I'm here to help make it better. So I was ok with not talking. But my heart hurts none the less.

So I've come to realize that things like this are going to happen. I understand that people are human and they just want to talk. And I know that most people aren't out to say things that are hurtful. But I also know that too many times people don't think before they say.

But I trust that there is a reason why these things happen. Maybe it is to toughen our skin or to make us more aware. I don't know. But I do know that I will move forward knowing that I will watch how I speak and listen more closely to others- in hopes that I will not cause harm that might make them blog about me to the world.

What are you doing Friday?

I remember in high school spending all week at school trying to figure out what I was doing on Friday night. What a carefree time in life. When the biggest worry I had was what to wear and whether or not I had plans.
Life has changed. I've already started to worry about Friday. Not what I'll be doing on Friday, but what will be decided by Evan's team of doctors that day.
I know I'm not supposed to worry. But I will not be at ease until we get the call that the Tumor Board has met and has a recommendation. A recommendation as to how to get rid of Evan's cancer forever.
So I am anxious. I know we won't know anything Friday. It will likely be next week before we get a call. But my every thought and prayer will be about what happens Friday.
And I invite you to stop and pour all of your energy into a prayer for Evan and the Tumor Board at Emory. We need God to lead these men and women into a direction that will make us one step closer to done with cancer.
If anybody asks you what your plans are for Friday, make sure and tell them that at least part of the day you will be praying for a really cool guy.
Thanks in advance!

Welcome to Six Flags-Sharpsburg

At 2:01 yesterday, I found myself in the parking deck at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta (I had to park in the deck there to walk to Evan's appointment at the oncologist). I remember saying twice yesterday that I had never been to Children's and I hope it's a place I never have to be. But then wait, I never in a million years imagined that I would find myself at the Winship Cancer Center at Emory University Hospital. Because I never in a million years imaged that the man I love more than life itself would be a patient at a cancer center. And I certainly never imagined that not only would he have cancer, but he would have cancer that makes even the smartest of oncologists wonder what they are looking at.
Going into the appointment yesterday at Winship, I was cruising right along on the roller coaster that this cancer battle has become. I would say that I was probably going up the giant hill at the beginning of the Scream Machine, the one that is supposed to give you all of the momentum you need to get through the rest of the ride. I imagine that it's me and Evan in the front seat, hands in the air, ready to go.
And then we went to the appointment. And I feel like our roller coaster car thing stalled out right before we got to the top of the hill. And we are being told that a rescue crew will be up in a little while to lead us down.
I know all that sounds crazy and depressing. Trust me I know. And trust me it is.
I am so hurt by the fact that I have to see Evan sit and explain that he is tired of the ride.
And no matter how hard I try, there is not alot I can say to ease the pain of what he goes through and that breaks my heart. I would take a million hours of physical pain to ease him of the emotion that goes along with having cancer. But I know that somehow we will get through all
of this and I know that this is a part of a bigger plan.

So enough with the roller coaster- where are we really with all of the medical stuff?
Here's a summary:
Evan had an ultrasound and some blood work done in the past week. The ultrasound needs to be signed off on by his Endocrinologist and forwarded to Emory. We're waiting on the blood work results.
The Emory Tumor Board is going to meet next Friday and Evan's case will be reviewed by them for recommendations regarding further treatment.
The recommendation from Dr. O (new oncologist) is surgery to remove the neck lymph nodes followed by radiation. He pretty much said that as long as blood work shows any thyroglobulin in Evan's system (which it does right now), cancer is present (not exactly what our first opinion doctor said).
So right now we are in a new phase of the waiting game. Waiting on the top of hill. Waiting on good news that our roller coaster car will be fixed soon or that we will have a rescue team to get us down soon.
A few prayer requests:
Physical healing for Evan
Emotional well-being for us both- this seems to be the hardest part so far
Clear direction for the Tumor Board next Friday

And in all of this- we give glory to God, the Great Physician.

You're smart, figure it out dude

We are meeting a new oncologist at Emory today. Evan was referred to him by the first oncologist we saw. This guy specializes in thyroid stuff. And he's into research and teaching so I'm hoping this this guy is the one that will lead us to an answer about getting rid of this cancer forever. If not, we will move on. But it sure would be nice if this is our guy and he happens to be in Atlanta.
I'll try and update tonight so that everyone on here who follows our story can keep up. As for now, say a prayer for us. Specifically at 2:30 today (Wednesday April 7th). Pray that the answers will be obvious. That this doctor is led by God.

It's a boy! No wait, it' a lymph node

Today is ultrasound day for Evan. He's going to have a neck ultrasound to see if they can pinpoint the size and location of the lymph node(s) that are showing up as cancerous on his previous scan.
I am hoping that they see nothing. I want to hear that this ultrasound was a waste of time because there is not anything to see. I want it gone.
I'll let you know how it goes when we get the results back. Pray please that we will get them back soon. As waiting only makes all of this more difficult.

And the doctor said, "Is he weird?"

Let me start by saying that for the first time in 6 months I feel like I can breathe.
I feel like I completely understand Evan's health and what lies ahead in the future.
I feel as though I can trust doctors again. And for all of you who come here to get your updates, here is why-
Yesterday we met with Evan's oncologist. Let me preface all of this by saying that the first time we met with this guy I was NOT impressed. I just had the feeling that this particular doctor treated us as though we were overly concerned. He seemed to be uninterested and bothered by us being there. And I blamed all of his demeanor on the fact that he did not consider thyroid cancer to be one of his specialties. So I was ready to find another doctor. And I'm pretty sure Evan was too. But something changed and it was for the good.
When we met yesterday, we (me and Evan) went in ready to obtain copies of all of his records and tell this doctor that we were ready to take Evan's health elsewhere. That didn't happen. From the second we sat down until the second we left the building, Dr.K did all he could to prove that he was ALL OVER Evan's case. As it turns out, I think the doctor was bombarded the first time with Evan's paperwork and we saw him too soon after he received the records. I feel certain he had NO IDEA that he was seeing a 33 year old male with Hurthle Cell Carcinoma. And he was not ready to give any opinions at that point as he was ill prepared.
But yesterday was totally different. Dr. K called other specialists, read up on Hurthle and was ready to tell us yesterday that he had a doctor at Emory he felt certain could be of help in Evan's case. He admitted that it will take a team of specialists to figure this all out. And he vowed to make sure that Evan has every test needed to ensure that his cancer is contained and eventually destroyed. He also went over the most recent blood work with us and the results were answers to prayer. Evan's thyroglobulin levels were at a point where we KNOW that the radiation is continuing to work. And there is a chance that the cancer is almost GONE! And if it's not, we will find out from an ultrasound later this week. At which point, decisions can be made.
So I am one happy girl, I don't know why I ever doubted that God would get us to a good place. But He has. There is a plan and a timeline. And for that I am thankful.
As a side note, Dr. K turned to me yesterday and said, "Is he weird, because this is all weird!". I appreciated that. A doctor who admits that he is baffled and at the same time makes sure Evan will be taken care of. He also said that in his 7 years of practicing oncology in a practice, he has never seen Hurthle Cell Carcinoma. And he also said that he feels like there are probably LESS THAN 400 cases ever! We had heard 400 but he said he's not sure there are that many.
So yes, EVAN IS WEIRD! But I love him dearly. And I hope by him being weird, God will be glorified. Because I feel certain that God is using my Evan to change the lives of those around him. And if you don't believe me, ask Evan about the email he received from a guy in his industry who said he wants to ask God back into his life because of Evan's story. I'm not making that up. I saw it with my own eyes. And I am honored and privileged to be married to a man who can take cancer and faith and build a beautiful story.
Keep up the prayers as this all will be days/months/years of continued follow-up. And we still don't know exactly what the future holds. But God is good and He has the ultimate plan.

Well I'm not you and yes it is different

I'm not sure if you've seen the commercial on tv where the characters are talking about how they are not a number, they are not just a patient, they are human and they are people that want what's best for their situation.
Sadly I have grown fond of that commercial. Because it's how I feel. Evan is a person. I am a person. Our family is made up of four God created human beings. And we want what's best for our situation. Not what might be a good alternative or what one person might think will work. We want to know that decisions we make are what will lead to our lives returning to normal. And so far, that seems to be hard to achieve.
One of my least favorite things that people enjoy saying to us is, "Well you're just going to have to take control of your own health and worry about what you feel is best (blah, blah, blah)....."
GOOD LORD PEOPLE, do you not think that we are trying to keep control of what is going on?
Frankly I don't care if you think that waiting 3 more days to see a doctor is good enough. If that is the decision that fits best for Evan, be understanding! I want to just scream at people who think that we can't handle things on our own. We have relatives who apparently know better than we do. We have people at church who know what's best for us. We even have friends that put in their two cents. But what they all need to do is be supportive and pray that God will lead us down the path most favored by Him. And he is NOT going to lead us astray. So why waste your breath on telling us what we are doing wrong?
And while I'm ranting, I understand that your aunt on your dad's side had thyroid cancer and that she is just fine, but your aunt and my husband are different. And I understand that your neighbor had radiation treatment and she got out in 2 days and not a week. But she is not my husband. And I understand that your doctor was great and that your feel like we should see them too. But that's our decision to make. We'll ask you to send us the number if we need it.
All that being said, I am thankful for those of you who listen to our plans and agree and love and comfort regardless of whether you agree or not with decisions we make. It is nice to know that we have friends that came equipped with filters!

And so the journey continues...

To quote my husband, "It could have been better, but it could have been a whole lot worse."
And with that I will be thankful for how the doctor's appointment went today.
I think we both had mentally prepared ourselves for the worst. So it is hard to explain what our reaction was like when the doctor told us what Evan's scan results showed.
I think we were both relieved. So relieved that I feel like we might have missed asking questions and chatting more with the doctor. But that is ok. We have time to ask questions. Once the relief has it's moment of joy.
I still haven't told you why the relief so here goes. Evan's cancer has only spread to one area, the lymph nodes in the left side of his neck. Obviously we would have liked to have no spread at all. But it did and if we had to pick a place for it to spread, I imagine it would be the lymph nodes in his neck. Why you ask? Because they can be dealt with. And that is what our goal is- to deal with the cancer now and get it gone. So he will most likely be having a lymph node dissection (removal of the lymph nodes in his neck- left side). No chemotherapy, no radiation, just get in there and remove the remaining cancer. And that my friends is why we are relieved.
So I covet your prayers as we continue on getting answers about the next steps in getting this cancer completely out of our lives.
And I thank God that we got the results we did. And I love Evan.