Caution: Person does not include filter!

I keep running into the wrong people.

I guess I should blame it on myself for being so popular (ha) but for some reason I feel as though I am wearing a sign that says "Tell me everything that comes to your mind". And as proven yesterday, Evan apparently has the same sign. I'll tell my story first.

I had an encounter with a person who managed to tell me that they had heard that couples who experience cancer together are twice as likely to get a divorce. And you thought I needed to know that why?? Are you thinking that by telling me that I will either throw my hands in the air and file for divorce or all of the sudden start working harder than I already am to make sure my marriage works? Frankly I don't give a (fill in the blank) about what history shows. I have never been one to be a statistic and I don't plan on starting now. And if anything I can tell you that I think all aspects of my relationship with Evan have grown stronger because of his cancer. So please take your comment and stick it where it belongs. And I apologize if I upset anyone with my above ranting, it's simply how I feel.

I also had someone yesterday ask me how it felt to be the wife of a man with cancer. This question is not inappropriate really, it just took me off guard. And this is really not a question to be answered immediately as there endless feelings that I go through. But just in case that person happens to be reading this- which I doubt, here is my real answer:

It sucks. Not like anything else has ever sucked before.

It consumes my thoughts.

It makes my fears reality.

It causes anguish, pain and frustration that I have never known before.

It makes me mean.

It makes me weak.

I wish I was the one with cancer. It would be so much easier for me to deal with me being sick than with the one I love.

It is the hardest thing emotionally that I have ever dealt with.

I am mad.

So there you go. A short but well thought out answer.

And then there is what happened to Evan yesterday that I wish would not have happened.

Someone called him and they meant well. They wanted to be supportive. They wanted to let him know that he is not alone. But they had to tell their story. And it's not what he needed to hear.

Evan's attitude changed yesterday. Someone pointed out reality and they will never know the impact they had. By sharing a story of their wife's reoccurring thyroid cancer and now other cancers, they somehow managed to take a man with a strong face and make him doubt. And for the first time in a while, he didn't feel like talking. Which I understand. But he knows I'm here to help make it better. So I was ok with not talking. But my heart hurts none the less.

So I've come to realize that things like this are going to happen. I understand that people are human and they just want to talk. And I know that most people aren't out to say things that are hurtful. But I also know that too many times people don't think before they say.

But I trust that there is a reason why these things happen. Maybe it is to toughen our skin or to make us more aware. I don't know. But I do know that I will move forward knowing that I will watch how I speak and listen more closely to others- in hopes that I will not cause harm that might make them blog about me to the world.