OK- So I'm the weird one!

Every Wednesday night Evan and I go down to the nursery at our church and help out with the little ones. Mostly we have every child that is not yet 2. So there is alot of baby holding and floor playing time. Evan is a big help with the toddlers as he sits in the floor and lets them crawl all over him. I on the other hand and the worst person ever to work a nursery. I hate vomit, pee, poop, snot and any smells that are not rosy. So I am more of a last resort as far as being helpful. But I have found my role in the nursery- I'm the entertainment for the adults that are down there helping. That's right. I provide the story telling and entertaining facts and drama for the nursery workers. Most of them know me REALLY well, so it does not surprise them when I have a plethora of stories to share- most of which are off-the-wall or help prove that I am in fact "crazy".
So last night, we were in the nursery. And a really sweet, very pregnant friend of mine got alarmed when I pointed out that I do not like the smell of syrup. One of the kids in the nursery smelled like syrup and it was just not working for me. And T (aforementioned friend) said that it was weird not liking syrup smells. I have to agree. Most people would love the smell of syrup. But I'm not one of those normal people. In fact, I have "issues" with many smells and anything that has weird texture. So we spent the better part of 30 minutes discussing why me, Lori Bryant, is weird. Here is a smidgen of some of the facts about me that came up:
-I have pretty much stopped eating all meat besides beef. I will eat chicken dishes, but I do not care for a piece of chicken on my plate by itself. I also do not like pot roast, beef roast or any meat that is stringy. Nightmare meats for me are corned beef and those rotisserie chickens from the grocery store.
-I would prefer my beef medium rare if not almost raw as opposed to cooked. I don't even mind if it's not warm in the center. I enjoy rare beef. Specifically filet mignon or other good cuts.
-I enjoy eating weird foods like sauerkraut and stewed tomatoes. I also enjoy eating raw potatoes which really caused an uproar. I love them with salt. To me it is no different than eating carrots or celery.
-I don't eat seafood at all. I don't really care that shrimp isn't fishy or that salmon and grouper don't smell at all. I'm NEVER going to eat fish or seafood. Much to my 9 year olds dismay.
-And on that note, most people eat carrots or celery with ranch or bleu cheese. Vomit. I would not eat ranch or bleu cheese dressing if my life depended on it.
-I can not stomach the thought of anything that includes wet bread or has bread as an ingredient. I can eat bread (only white) if it is just bread. But if you make it into a pudding or dip it in some concoction or mess with it at all, I'm done.
-Which leads to texture. Nice and smooth is the way I like food and drinks to be. You can keep your grits and oatmeal and V8 juice. If it has texture and should be smooth, I am not eating it.
-Off the subject of food. Most of you know I am a clean freak. It was also pointed out to me that not only am I clean, but I also am neat and clutter-free. Which makes for a pretty boring existence for those around me. As you are not going to find any reading material or anything sitting around to "play with" at my house. But you can ask where I keep it and I'll allow you to take it out for a little while as long as you put it right back!

-I am also a news junkie. I mean all things news. Both "real" news and gossip news. Ask me, I have seen that story already. And if I haven't, it happened while I was asleep. I read the local paper cover-to-cover every day (ok- I actually read it internet cover-to-cover!). This includes obituaries, restaurant reviews, job postings and arrest logs. You never know what you might need to know. And I love sharing all of the useless knowledge I obtain from the paper with others around me (I'm sure they hate it!). I also enjoy People magazine, tmz.com, anything Martha Stewart (did you know she gives her horse acupuncture?), the AJC and many other news or gossip outlets.
-I drive fast. Always have. Even in my mom car. Which you can see to the left. And I'm also the only person I know that owns a Pontiac Torrent. A what? Yes, I know.
And trust me, I could go on and on about my quirks. This is just a sampling of what makes me weird. Or maybe it is unique? But I am guessing that if you get to really know me, you will find that I'm really not all that bad to be around. Hopefully I'll at least make you laugh and make you thankful that you don't have as many quirks as I do!


  1. wow. those are some weird food things. esp the raw potatoes. i also lovel massively rare beef. have you ever had beef carpaccio? totally rare. it was amazing but gave me stomach cramps but i would totally do it again. i dont like the smell of syrup either unless i can see pancakes or waffles in front of me. otherwise it smells like pregnant pee to me or a nasty little kid. i am a tmz junkie too, but i cant do the normal news b/c i am a baby. i cannot even believe the ranch bleu cheese thing. i remember guessing that ranch was in the dip and you were vehement that there was no ranch! no i understand. wet bread makes me barf too (wet paper is my nemesis) but it doesnt stop me from eating dishes that include bread that may have been wet at some point. in conclusion i am mentally as weird as you (maybe) on some things but my hippo appetite makes me get over it for the sake of hunger.

  2. This is a great post. Didn't know about the raw potatoes. Anyway, I think it's unique more than weird. :)

  3. The potatoes. Now that is new. I thought I had heard and seen all things "unique" when it came to food preferences...Jason also dislikes roast and "stringy" beefs. and mashed potatoes. weirdo. or unique-o. Anyway, thoroughly enjoyed this peek into the Wednesday night scene, and your head. Love it.