Dating? I don't know nuthin' bout no dating!

There's this boy in my office, we'll call him "Bill".

He's 23 and lives with his mom.

And he's a little on the awkward side. I'm not sure exactly how to explain to you his quirks and do it justice.

He's just an odd bird.

Socially strange.

Kinda nerdy but also likes to do things like drive a Mercedes and eat at expensive restaurants.

So for some nerdy girl who likes the finer things, he would make a good catch.

But in order to find that girl, he would have to have a date or two.

Which I think he never has.

That's right, I'm fairly certain this boy has never been on a date.

So I was SHOCKED Thursday morning when he came in to tell me that he had a date for Friday.

I think I feel out of my chair.

And to quote him, "Hey Lori- Hell froze over. I have a date!"

Poor thing.

SO I began to drill him with questions.

Like how much he had to pay for her. (That's just wrong!)

But anyway, it's a girl that went to the same high school he did. She's a year older than him.

And she's still in college (slow learner maybe?).

He ran into her at Starbucks. Where he "hangs out" often.

They did not know each other but got to talking and he said maybe he would see her around again. So she Facebook messaged him out of the blue and asked when he would be at Starbucks again. And that's where I came in.

He completely froze and had no clue what to do.

So I told him to write her back and say he'd be there in the next few days, but maybe they could go to dinner sometime instead.

And she said YES!

So now I am playing the part of official date advisor.

Here are some of the questions I have answered-

"Do I let her pick where to eat?" Um, yes. Because she might be picky.

"What should I wear?" Blue jeans and a nice collared shirt.

"You mean like a Polo button down long sleeve?" Um, no. Like a Polo golf shirt type shirt.

"What about a Brooks Brothers shirt?" That would work.

"What color- I have pink, yellow, green...." Don't wear pink the first date, wear something subtle like blue or green or white.

"I don't have blue- crap. And my white one is a little dingy." Uh, wear the green one!

"What about shoes, I have a pair of basket weave loafers I just had repaired?" Um, negative. How about tennis shoes?

"Well the only tennis shoes I have are the one's I'm wearing." Those WILL NOT WORK! Sounds like you need to go shopping right after work.

"But what should I buy, like some Sperry boat shoes?" Umm, NO. Buy some nice tennis shoes. But don't buy white. I hate white shoes. Buy gray or black.

"Why do you hate white shoes?" It's not about me Bill, it's about this girl who I am sure doesn't like white shoes.

"How do you know?" Because I've been married 12 YEARS! And the perfect man is wearing nice blue jeans, dark running shoes, a tucked in Polo and drives a truck.

"Ok, ok. I think I got it." Well you better!

"So should I just meet her at the restaurant?" No you big dummy! You tell her you will pick her up.

"But I don't know where she lives." Well maybe you could ask her where she lives?

"Ok, how do I do that?" Oh good grief- tell her you will pick her up at 7:15 at her house and ask for the address.

"But 7:15 won't give me enough time to get ready." Well, I'm just telling you that you need to make it work.

And so he did just what I said. And I know where they are eating.

Boy is he going to be surprised when I show up with my kids and request that we sit near them.

Just Kidding.

But honestly, I hope it works out for him.

He needs a woman.

Someone to take my place in his life.

I'm not sure I can answer many more questions.