When I Grow Up

My life has changed in so many ways the last few years.
There are obvious changes- my weight and my very blonde hair color. I have a new job.
And most of you know that I have changed as a human being because of my growing love for Christ and my family through the trials cancer brought our way.
But the not so obvious changes that have happened in my life really are starting to reek havoc on what I know as normal.

As it turns out, all of the changing and growing I have done lately has basically created a new me. Someone who has new priorities, new goals and new dreams.
All of this I did not realize until my life forced me to make choices. And the choices I have made as of late do not necessarily line up with the person I have grown to be. The person that wants to help others. The one that wants to be the best wife and mother possible.
So now I am in a really weird place. A place that is uncomfortable. A place where I feel lost.
Doesn't sound so good huh?
Nope.
I've never felt this way. Never been so uncertain about myself.
Someone who is confident by nature is now floundering about.
And I find myself turning to God for answers and I think I'm getting clear direction.
But the realities of that direction have consequences for which I fear.
And in all of this I only know a few things are certain.
God loves me.
My family loves me.
And I want to love people and do good in this world.
So with those certainties, I pray for clarity and for peace for my life.
Peace I felt so sure of back in February when cancer left our lives, but a peace that eludes me now as I try and figure out who I am.